Being a cat can be hard enough. Laying around all day, having to wait until the master fills up the bowl with food and attacking anything that moves. Then, add a toddler who has had to learn, seemingly from scratch every single day, how to treat him right. His cat life got a lot more complicated when Siena entered the picture.
Duke didn’t have time to really adjust to a baby because for the first 6 months of Siena’s life, he was staying with my parents while Siena learned to become mobile. Suddenly, he had a new friend that didn’t know how to play nicely with cats.
I interviewed Duke, to get a better sense of his cat life. He has a lot to say. And feels that the only way you can truly understand, is through references to the glowing screen that you stare at all day. Here is his cat life, as he would like to tell it.
Duke’s Cat Life in His Own Words
Before the Master Rises
When darkness still reigns, I sleep with Master and Female Companion. Their bed is my throne and I am free to roam about as I please. I am lulled to sleep by Master’s roars of authority. I am awoken by yelping of Infant and I fear.
Dark Times are Coming to a Close
I don’t know if Female Companion will come back with wailing Infant in arms or if there is still more throne lounging to be had.
When Throne Lounging is Still On
I know now, I have precious hours of sleep and lounging before I must awake and begin Cat Life with Infant and Disturber.
When Master Awakens
Fear clutches my cat heart. It is only a matter of time…
Disturber can sense my fear and it awakens her. Thump thump thump, the footsteps approach. Disturber will find me. There is nowhere to hide.
So it’s begun!
Disturber’s infatuation with me is tantamount to a psychological disorder. It seems Disturber must be physically near me at all times.
What I Must Tolerate
There is no limit to the things I endure. I am only protected when Female Companion is not handling the meats in the room of delicious smells or when she is not tending to Infant. Since Infant arrived, she is less attentive to my needs.
I can’t figure out why Master and Female Companion still tolerate Disturber. Disturber attacks Female Companion frequently during the day. I am not the only victim. Disturber is often reprimanded, but it seems to have no effect. Disturber must be incapable of learning. That means I am doomed to live forever this way. Female Companion, Infant, Master and I are all captive.
How I Wish to Retaliate
Even though I am doted upon by Female Companion whenever an assault has been attempted on my life, I envision revenge upon Disturber.
My fantasies are not carried out as of yet. Disturber is too closely protected by Female Companion and Master. They must be blinded.
There are Moments Though…
The occasional affection of Disturber disturbs me however, it makes me have feelings that are disturbing to me.
Even if Disturber and I come to understandings, I have just become aware of Infant’s potential to become like Disturber. And there is no knowing what Female Companion may one day concoct again in the magical growing stomach. I await any signs of a growth. I must destroy it before it has a chance to become another Disturber.
When Master Returns
The dark times are nigh at hand. Female Companion and Master subdue Infant and Disturber and they are hidden behind barricades with knobs on them. I may now do as I please.
And When Master and Female Companion Retire
I retire too. Only to start Cat Life all over again after the light invades the square on the wall.
Duke wanted me to thank-you for taking the time to hear his perspective. He also wanted to draw your attention to just how traumatizing Infant can be at nighttime for Female Companion. There is a Hilarious Rendition and a Life Lesson Version: pick your Catnip!